NEWIE
TECH BREAKFAST
A weekly hallucination on Darby Street
What Is It?
Every Friday morning, a group of people who should probably still be asleep gather around coffee and say things like “have you tried Rust?” to each other with completely straight faces. Nobody has tried Rust. Everyone has tried Rust. It's Schrödinger's language.
We gather like ancient druids around a flat white, except instead of worshipping the sun we argue about whether tabs or spaces matter in a universe that is, ultimately, indifferent.
The Sacred Details
EVERY FRIDAY
7:30 AM
Yes, morning. We know. We're sorry. Your bed will miss you but your brain won't.
3 MONKEYS
Darby St, Cooks Hill
Three Monkeys. Zero monkeys present. Classic false advertising but the coffee is real.
COFFEE
& Unverified Claims
Someone will mass deploy to production before 8am. You'll hear about it here first.
Dispatches From The Table
“I ordered a long black and a man I'd never met explained the entire history of Unix permissions to me. I didn't ask. I didn't need to. He could sense I was chmod 644.”
— A woman at the wrong table
“There's a bloke who comes every week and just draws diagrams on napkins. Nobody knows what the diagrams are of. Last week one looked like a horse. He said it was a microservice. The horse had a name. The horse was called Kevin.”
— Chris or Steve, can't remember
“Someone brought a parrot once. The parrot said ‘microservices’ and then everyone went quiet for a bit. Powerful moment.”
— The parrot (via interpreter)
“I once made eye contact with a stranger across the table and we both said ‘Vim’ at exactly the same time. We're married now. We use VS Code. Don't tell anyone.”
— Name withheld for legal reasons
The Unwritten Laws
✦You don't need to work in tech. You don't even need to know what tech is. One regular thinks JavaScript is a type of coffee. We haven't corrected them.
✦There is no agenda. There is no slide deck. If someone tries to open a PowerPoint before 8am they will be asked to leave and think about what they've done.
✦You can talk about AI but you have to do a small dance first. This is non-negotiable.
✦If your coffee order takes more than twelve words to say out loud, you will be gently but firmly escorted to the sea.
✦Laptops are optional. Eye contact is encouraged. Astral projection is tolerated but only if you buy a coffee first.
Proudly part of the
newwwie.comNewcastle's tech community. We're like a family. A weird, caffeinated family.
Friday. 7:30am.
3 Monkeys, Darby St.
Cooks Hill, Newcastle.
Just turn up. Bring your beautiful face and a willingness to be spoken at about distributed systems before your brain has fully loaded.
If you arrive and nobody's there, you're too early. Have a coffee. If you arrive and everyone's leaving, you're too late. Have a coffee anyway. Either way: coffee.